There was a time, centuries ago, where the only method to communicate was to see someone in person, write a letter or place an advertisement in a newspaper.  Oh how we have advanced in our choice of tools we use to communicate.  I do my best to accommodate to others communication styles, yet I still have my own preferences.  Be Warned: Not being able to adapt to other’s preferences of tools can kill a profitable business deal.  I just saw it happen.

Communication Tools and Styles

In today’s information-overloaded world our choice of tools to communicate, whether it be of a friendly nature or having to do with business dealings, complements our personality style.  Do you like the bottom line message?  Do you enjoy a “back and forth” interaction to assure your words are understood?  Do you need the “handshake” to see into someone’s soul?

There are some communication tools I don’t discuss, such as mental telepathy, psychic communications, a witch’s curse, or prayer, yet I don’t discount them as being used by some and can still be effective or ineffective or complicate a business deal.  I’m limiting these methods to:

• Texting via cell phones
• Instant Messaging through various online applications (Facebook for example)
• Email
• Phone
• Video Conferencing (Skype, Facetime, Google Hangouts)
• In Person Meetings

The emergence of these technologies have also imposed new rules on etiquette as well, as I’ve learned from my teenage son.  For example, it’s polite to text someone first to ask if it is a good time to talk on the phone.  It’s also rude if you press the “Ignore” button when receiving a phone call from another.  It’s best to silence the ring and let it go to voice mail naturally, otherwise the calling party knows you pressed the “Ignore” button.  But that doesn’t have anything to do with killing a deal, but interesting how we evolve as we adapt to technology.

Before I get started speaking of the styles, I will tell you how a deal completely fell apart because of 2 people’s inability to accommodate the other’s style.

First, you must realize that when it comes to real estate, the business, the deals, the dollars, there are a lot of wanna-be’s, list builders, “fake it ’til you make it” types and the like.  Many people that are well experienced in this industry don’t have time to play those games and an initial meeting period involves a lot of vetting and validating before any real business can happen.

One lady I know is quite experienced in her area, is quite the talker, definitely prefers phone conversation over the written word.  Her style can be somewhat frustrating as she will say the same thing many different ways, entering into nuances and has a strong need that her words are heard and that you understand the delicate path involved in her business.  That feedback is critical for her.

One man I know and introduced to this lady is a “bottom line” kind of guy.  He had 2 simple questions and had to sit on the phone with her for over an hour as she attempted to answer his questions.  His mind started wandering, zoning out on what this woman was saying.  At the end of the conversation she asked for validation and out of desperation he admitted he understood what she said, when in fact he just wanted to get her off of the phone.

Since I introduced the 2, I was copied on the emails and could start to see the communication breakdown and totally understood why the breakdown was happening.  He had emailed her with the same 2 questions, she responded by trying to call him, a call which he ignored.  He specifically asked her to answer those questions by email as his time was valuable.

This is where I stepped in.  Understanding that this lady was a lover of words, and her style would not, and could not accommodate his style, I started my one personal email discussion with him to help him understand in a very concise manner the answers to his questions.  It only took a few emails, and he was satisfied enough to move forward to the next step, and then initiated the next step as defined by her protocol.  Whew.

She rejected him at this point.  She outlined several reasons, but mainly the fact that she didn’t feel he understood the answers to his questions even though she asked and received validation at the end of their phone call, and then having to receive the same questions again.

“Sometimes you have to look past the messenger to understand the message.”  This is a clear example of not being able to either accommodate the other’s style, or look past that style to take the steps necessary to facilitate a mutually beneficial and profitable business deal.

Now back to the styles and why it’s important to understand who you’re dealing with.

The Texter

I don’t know how much business is really done with texting, but I know there are people that clearly love texting as their preferred communication tool.  A very good friend of mine never calls, just sends a text when it comes to making plans for a social engagement.  She is a very busy lady and often in a multi-tasking mode at her job and just doesn’t have the time to talk.  Our communication is something like this:

Her: Saturday night?
Me: Sure, girls only or men too?
Her: Couples
Me:  OK, my house?
Her: Sure, what time?
Me: 6PM

That took a whole 30 seconds out of our day, where a phone conversation would require some of the “How are you?” type questions, and “Have a nice day” and other fluff that would add minutes to what was accomplished on 30 seconds.  Now some would be insulted by such a short exchange because there are no assurances that this is something she wanted to do, that it sounded like fun, etc.  But she’s a “texter”.

One time, as we were lost or running late, my husband said, “Call her and tell her…”.  So I picked up my phone and started to text her.  My husband was extremely frustrated, somewhat because of the stress of the situation, but more that I didn’t do what he told me to do, which is HIS style of communication; using the phone.  I explained that she was a “texter”, and that was her preferred means of communicating.

The Phone User, the Emailer and the Instant Messenger

I’m currently in a joint venture with 2 other men that have 2 other styles of communication.  I seem to be the focal point, so if either one wants information or wants to report a progress, I’m the one they reach out to.  My Nevada connection, and I, communicate via Facebook messaging.  This goes on quite nicely as I suspect this is both of our preferred styles.  He doesn’t seem to be as effective with email, since the emails leave him with some kind of confusion or questions that go unanswered.  When we communicate in a conversation via instant messaging, the words are clearer, answers come faster, it’s easier to realize where my may have gone off course and when the questions don’t get answered fast enough, then we upgrade to a telephone conversation.

My Florida connection is a phone talker.  He happens to be an outgoing social kind of guy.  I know he’s a phone guy because when he get’s an email from me, my phone starts ringing.  So now I know that if I want any kind of progress report or status with him, it will be over the phone.

The “Let’s Meet” Person

I have to admit that I have a significant amount of frustration in dealing with someone that feels it necessary to meet in person.  Frankly, I don’t have time for that.  However, I understand how some feel it critical, especially when trying to establish trust.

I was working with a man on a rather large effort to raise funds for a technology in the energy field.  He and I both live in Austin, and our contact was in Houston.  When I heard this man say “Jean and I can come to Houston to meet one afternoon” I about fell out of my chair.  I am a busy person and I have no time to spend an afternoon in a car doing nothing.  However, I understand the quality that comes out of an in person meeting, the connections, the “meeting of the minds”, the up-leveling of mutual respect that occurs in these in-person meetings.  I don’t want to discount the effectiveness of such communications, and they are critical for efforts that require big decisions. I’m merely mindful of what could be done in a shorter amount of time.

In Conclusion

I’m saddened that the 2 people I introduced had an impasse, and that it was based on their communication styles and inability to accommodate each others style.  It’s a shame that this stopped the possibility of profitable deals for now and in the future.  There will be more deals.  There are others to work with.  Nobody says you have to work with those you can’t connect with.  But people DO like to do business with people they like.

I find it’s easier, healthier and more effective to accommodate to other’s styles.  I recommend everyone take a moment to identify their preferred style and look at those you deal with and determine how YOU can make minor changes in the use of communication tools available to you to achieve a more productive result in your business.

What is your style?