Assigning responsibility for a loss.
Whenever I observe a similar emotions or accusations in diverse areas in my life, it makes me pause and think how these emotions come to play our business, and our dreams. I’ve written about “mistakes” made in real estate and how successful investors learn more from their mistakes. I often reflect on a real estate deal that had unexpected consequences and think of what I could have done to have made the outcome more successful. I learn from it and incorporate that learning into who I am, and integrate that in how I move forward with my business.
But what about the person that blames others for their situation?
“It is a very common, ancient, well-perfected device for trying to feel better. Blame others….Blaming is a way to protect your heart, trying to protect what is soft and open and tender in yourself. Rather than own that pain, we scramble to find some comfortable ground.” ― Pema Chödrön
According to this web-site that discusses blame, we blame others to dispose of problems and protect our sense of self-worth when things go bad. “Self-justification—describing events in a way that preserves our pride and reduces cognitive dissonance—causes us to distort the evidence and shift blame to others.”
It is so easy to blame a contractor for not doing his job, or blame a partner for an oversight, or even to blame a spouse that isn’t supportive. I want to encourage everyone to try to recognize when they find themselves in this state of “primal thinking” – rushing to snap judgement – to slow down and do a careful analysis of the situation, understand all of the causes at play, and shift your thinking to a learning experience opportunity.
As real estate investors, we are constantly thrown into unexpected situations. We learn to expect the unexpected. We know it’s rare that a deal turns out like we expect it to, and there are issues that can’t be predicted that often occur during a project. We need to stand strong, to learn, adjust, and then we know we are doing the best we can.
One quote I want to leave you with: “You can fail many times, but you’re not a failure until you begin to blame somebody else.” ― John Burroughs